NEWSDAY ALERT!! I'm back in today's "Punchlines" column in Newsday and Newsday.com! Here's the link: Newsday
American Baggage Snafu
Thousands of American Airlines passengers flying out of JFK Airport are still without their luggage. Apparently American's new policy of charging for extra checked bags wasn't working, so now the airline is just holding them for ransom.
Concerns are growing that China's poor air quality could affect the Olympic games. Apparently, smog cancels out all the effects of steroids.
Liquid on Titan
NASA has confirmed that Saturn's moon Titan has liquid on its surface... Americans don't care unless that liquid is crude oil.
Illegal Immigrants Go Home
The number of illegal immigrants in the U.S. is falling sharply. The illegals figure that if they're going to get poisoned by tainted Mexican peppers and tomatos, they might as well do it at home.
Israeli Prime Minister Ehud Olmert has announced he will step down in about two months. He will resign as soon as his party chooses a successor and the government can figure out a way to trade him to Hizbollah.