Batman Lines
Thousands of people lined up to see the first showings of the new Batman "Dark Knight" movie at midnight and 3AM today. It also served as a reunion for all the idiots who lined up for the new iPhone last week.



Pelosi Blasts Bush
House Speaker Nancy Pelosi is calling President Bush "a total failure". Coincidentally, that's the same thing everyone calls Pelosi's plastic surgeon.



McCain on Social Security
Even though he gets Social Security benefits himself, John McCain continues to attack the system... mostly because the small type on those checks is just too hard to read.



Freddie Mac Shares
Freddie Mac is hoping to bolster its balance sheet by selling $10 billion worth of new stock. Now they just have to find 10 billion people who haven't read or watched the news in the last six months.