All-Star Marathon
The American League beat the National League in a 15-inning marathon All-Star Game last night. The game took so long, both teams came dangerously close to running out of pitchers, catchers and steroids.



Marriage Study
A new study finds that men are more likely than women to call their spouse their best friend... hopefully the kind of best friend who doesn't mind when they hook up with their sister.



Racial Survey
A new poll shows the Barack Obama candidacy is not closing the racial divide in America. The survey indicates that whites think Obama is black, blacks think Obama is black, and the news media thinks Obama is God.



VW Plant Choice
Volkswagen has picked Chattanooga over Alabama and Georgia for its new assembly plant. VW chose Tennessee because of its infrastructure and labor force, and because Alabama and Georgia both fell down during the evening gown competition.



McCain at NAACP
John McCain is addressing the NAACP today. Anyone in attendance who applauds during his address will be expelled from the NAACP.