New Planet
Astronomers have discovered an Earth-like planet 600 light years away that appears to be able to sustain human life. Don't get too excited, it probably needs a bailout too.


New Planet II
Scientists have discovered an Earth-like planet 600 light years away that appears to be able to sustain human life. But astronomers aren't getting too excited, because they know the girls there probably won't want to date them either.




Cocoa Crash
Chocolate prices are down 42% from this time last year... Mostly because Jerry Sandusky is no longer allowed to give so much of it away.




Abortion Pills for All!
The FDA is considering putting the "morning after pill" on drug store and supermarket shelves as an over the counter item. And to make sure people buy it, A & P is going to stock in the Beer and Wine aisle.



Olympic Price Tag
Security for the London Olympics this summer is now expected to cost $1.6 billion. Most of that money will be spent to send all the soccer hooligans to France for two weeks.







December 6th


1790: The U.S. Congress moves from New York City to Philadelphia, Pennsylvania... mostly to cater to the growing Congressional "scum bag factor."



1933: U.S. federal judge John M. Woolsey rules that the James Joyce's novel Ulysses is not obscene... thus dooming millions of American 11th grade English students to read the book for generations to come.


1971: Pakistan severs diplomatic relations with India following a bad taxi accident on 45th and Madison.