The Post Office is set to announce major service cuts today... and since the details of these cuts are so vital, it's sending them to all the major newspapers via FedEx.
The Wall Street Journal reports that the 14,000 workers at Yahoo! are looking for other jobs. Morale is so low, even the exclamation point is applying for a gig at Facebook.
GM is working feverishly to fix the defect in the Chevy Volt that could lead the car to burst into flames... otherwise known as when Volt owners set fire to that lemon so they can collect the insurance money.
President Obama wants Americans to call your Congressman to demand he or she votes to keep the payroll tax cut in place. He also wants Americans to call Selena Gomez to see if she likes him.
Police are looking for a Palm Springs woman who tried to sever her husband's penis with a scissors this weekend. Cops don't have a sketch of the suspect, but they say she answers to the alias, "Mrs. Herman Cain."
63 BC: Cicero gives the fourth and final Catiline Orations... but unlike the first three, this one is not part of the final exam.
1776: At The College of William and Mary, Phi Beta Kappa is founded... and as soon as a William and Mary student is smart enough to qualify, it'll really be something.
2006: Commodore Frank Bainimarama overthrows the government in Fiji... shocking billions across the world who had no idea there even was a government in Fiji.