iPhone Controversy
Pro Choice activisits are enraged because the "Siri" feature on the new iPhone will not tell you where the nearest abortion clinic is. They're also angry because instead, Siri tells male users to "try a condom next time" and female users to "stop being such a skank."




American Bankruptcy
It turns out bankrupt American Airlines's creditors may only get 10 cents on the dollar on a $30 billion in debt... and to get to those payments the bill collectors will first have to change at O'Hare.




Volt Buyback
GM is offering to buy back the Chevy Volt from anyone who is worried the car may have safety issues. But first GM is going to need to find someone to buy the chevy volt.



A La Carte Internet
Several cable companies are now planning to eliminate monthly internet fees and charge everybody based on how much data and video they download. This can only mean one thing: people are going to start buying porn magazines again!



Chinese Protests
Massive protests continue to occur at several Chinese factories. The workers want their pay doubled to 4 cents a day.






December 2nd



1848: Franz Josef I becomes Emperor of Austria... beating out the other three finalists who got fewer votes on Facebook and Twitter.


1939: New York City's La Guardia Airport opens. The airport's first customers are still looking for parking.


1988: Benazir Bhutto is sworn in as Prime Minister of Pakistan, becoming the first woman in that nation to stand before large crowds for reasons other than just getting stoned to death.