NEWSDAY ALERT!! I'm back in today's "Punchlines" column in Newsday and Newsday.com! Here's the link: Newsday
Death Row Decision
The Supreme Court has ruled to spare a Texas man who the court said was too mentally incompetent to be executed. But the court ruled that the man was mentally competent enough to remain President of the United States.
The Supreme Court has ruled that race cannot be a factor in the assignment of children to public schools. Immediately after the decision, Clarence Thomas was bused to a lower court.
Chinese Fish Ban
The federal government has banned imports of some types of Chinese seafood. As a result, wages for Chinese fishermen has fallen to 30 cents a day from 32 cents a day.
Political pundits are calling the Senate's decision to kill the immigration reform bill a "powerful blow to President Bush"... but not as powerful as the blow that brought down Bill Clinton.
Suburban Atlanta police are on the lookout for a small black bear that was first spotted at an Office Depot and later near a Wal-Mart. The bear's parents are very worried because he has their credit cards.
Bald Eagle Soars
The U.S. government has taken the bald eagle off the Endangered Species Act's "threatened" list. Conservationists say this is the result of crackdowns on hunters, better awareness, and Rogaine.
Thousands of tubes of contaminated Chinese-made toothpaste have been found in state prisons in Georgia. This would be a problem if any of the inmates actually brushed their teeth.