Charity Record
Americans gave a record $300 billion to charitable causes last year... mostly to stop those annoying fundraising broadcasts on PBS and NPR.

Charity Record II
Americans gave a record $300 billion to charitable causes last year. Europeans gave less than half that, but still believe they have purchased the right to continue to call Americans the root of all the world's problems.


Bush on Stem Cells
In vetoing federal funding for stem cell research, President Bush vowed to protect human embryos even though it's not clear if they are "alive" or represent life. Of course with his approval ratings, it's not clear that President Bush is alive either.


North Korea Promise
North Korea has promised to shut down its controversial nuclear reactor... not because of sanctions from the West, but because it can no longer afford to pay the electric bills.


Dry Cleaners Win
A judge on Monday ruled in favor of a dry cleaner that was sued for $54 million over a missing pair of pants. The plaintiff says he will appeal, just as soon as his finishes his $600 million lawsuit against Snickers for allegedly failing to "really satisfy" him.


Campaign Ruling
The Supreme Court has ruled in favor of allowing almost any group to air political ads on TV, as long as it can afford the costs. In other words, "free speech," now costs $100,000 for every 30 seconds.


Yahtzee Murder
An argument over a game of Yahtzee ended with one man dead and another charged with murder, according to police in Florida. It's the most deadly ending to a board game since the infamous drunken "Operation" tournament at the Ohio State Medical School back in 1978.