Chrysler Loss
The U.S. government has sold all its shares in Chrysler at a loss of $1.8 billion... which is not bad because when most Americans buy a Chrysler they lost about $2 billion and at least two weeks of work waiting for it to get out of the shop.



Where's the Heat?
Global warming has slowed down considerably since 1998 and scientists are baffled as to why. One theory is that. Al Gore has forgotten to turn off the air conditioning at several of his 11,000 square foot homes.



Euro Rescue
European stocks are higher on news that a new bailout plan will rescue Greece, Ireland, and all those European men who wear tight jeans and Capezios.



NFL Deal?
The NFL owners have all voted in favor of the new labor proposal but the union has not yet voted. The delay is because he league keeps making the mistake of trying to reach the players at their wives' instead of their girlfriends' houses.



Arnold Says No
Court documents show that Arnold Schwarzenegger does not want to pay spousal support to Maria Shriver. So Shriver is starting to pump iron in hopes of passing herself off as one of Arnold's illegitimate kids.







July 22nd





1933: Wiley Post becomes the first person to fly solo around the world traveling 15,596 miles in 7 days, 18 hours, and 5 pairs of pants.





1937: The United States Senate votes down President Franklin D. Roosevelt's proposal to add more justices to the Supreme Court, but votes in favor of his plan to add more brothels on Capitol Hill.





2003: Members of the 101st Airborne kill Saddam Hussein's sons Uday and Qusay, and confiscate 16 metric tons of bad hair gel.