Gold Rush
Gold prices are up for the 10th straight day. Either the world economy is in serious trouble, or Mr. T is replacing his chains for the summer.



IBM Numbers
IBM announced much better-than-expected earnings for the last quarter... mostly due to massive sales of its new "erase my embarrassing Tweet before I'm forced to resign from Congress" software.




SF Cuts
Due to court system budget cuts, it now takes at least 18 months to get divorced in San Francisco. Luckily, Jennifer Lopez lives in New York so she can go ahead with her plans to get married and divorced three more times in the next year and a half.



Praying in Schools
More churches are using public schools for worship services. Of course, public schools have always been a place of prayer ever since the first 15-year-old sophomore asked God to help him get a date.



Real Job Security
A new study shows that the only way most federal workers will ever lose their jobs is if they die. But considering the way most government employees work, it's hard to tell if any of them are still alive.





July 19th





1692: Five women are hanged for witchcraft in Salem, Massachusetts… also known as “Casey Anthony, 17th Century Version”



1870: France declares war on Prussia… mostly because Prussia served red wine with fish.



1992: Anti-Mafia Judge Paolo Borsellino is killed by a Mafia car bomb in Palermo… or maybe he was just driving yet another faulty Fiat, it’s hard to tell.