AIDS Vaccine Breakthrough
A new vaccine to fight AIDs has proven effective in 30% of the people who tried it... the other 70% had had sex with Madonna.



Obama at the U.N.
During his speech yesterday, President Obama said it was time to usher in a new era of responsibility for the United Nations. It's not clear if he was talking about stopping nuclear proliferation or getting all the delegates to pay their outstanding parking tickets.


President Obama will preside over the U.N. Security Council today. The first oreder of business will be trying to find a way to keep the U.N. secure from any more speeches from Moammar Gadhafi.




Moore's Conclusion
Filmmaker Michael Moore says capitalism has proved it's failed. Although the only capitalists who have clearly failed are the ones who sold Moore their diet plans.



Dreamliner Status
Boeing says its new 787 Dreamliner could take its first flight within 2 months... also known as the average delay time at La Guardia.



Hope Diamond Move
The Smithsonian is moving the Hope Diamond for the first time since 1958. It will now be on display at a pawn shop in Beijing.





September 24th

1664: The Dutch Republic surrenders New Amsterdam to England... mostly because the Dutch can't find their way around Greenwich Village.


1890: The Mormon Church officially renounces polygamy... thus killing the only good reason to join the Mormon Church.


1948: The Honda Motor Company is founded. The UAW officially responds by taking another coffee break.


1957: President Dwight D. Eisenhower sends 101st Airborne Division troops to Little Rock, Arkansas, to enforce desegregation.... and to keep the peace at the Alabama-Arkansas football tailgate.