Soap Box Derby Problems
The Soap Box Derby is searching for a new sponsor. It was rejected for government funding when it turned out it produced more reliable cars than GM and Chrysler.



Crazed Man Caught
An escaped murderer held at a mental hospital has been captured after he escaped during a field trip in Spokane, Washington. He was easy to find, the cops just went to the nearest health care town hall.



Obama on a lot of TV
President Obama appeared on five Sunday morning talk shows for interviews yesterday. It didn't convince anyone to support health care reform, but it did wonders for everyone who had Obama as a starter on their talk show fantasy teams.



Terror Suspect Arrested
A Muslim man has been arrested in Colorado after it turns out he had been trained in weapons and explosives in Pakistan... but what was really suspicious about him was that he had flown into LaGuardia Airport six times in the past month and hadn't killed himself yet.



Public Option Back
Congressional Democrats say the "public option" insurance plan is back on the table now that no Republicans are supporting the health care bill. This is just like when Nancy Pelosi starts thinking about more plastic surgery when she runs out of Prozac.





September 21st

1780: Benedict Arnold gives the British the plans to West Point... that was forgiveable, but when he gave Navy the Army football playbook, that went too far.


1860: In the Second Opium War, an Anglo-French force defeats Chinese troops at the Battle of Baliqiao. The Third Opium War is currently being fought at 177th Street and Broadway.


1970: New York Times starts the first modern op-ed page. In the past, op-ed pages had been something more than an advertisement for the Democratic party.