Stunning Revelation
Actress Mackenzie Phillips reveals she had a long-term incestuous relationship with her famous father, musician John Philips. So he's the one guy in the world who would sleep with her.



Mayan Ruin Discovery
Newly discovered Mayan ruins may help explain the collapse of that civilization. Experts believe the buildings once housed a government-run Mayan hospital that gave away health care for free.



ACORN Defense
ACORN has hired several lawyers to help fight accusations that the organization supports prostitution. It was one thing when they helped hookers find work, but employing lawyers is really making Americans mad!



Afghan Strategy
President Obama is considering a major troop reduction in Afghanistan. He had been in favor of boosting troop levels, but then he found out that firing machine guns isn't carbon neutral.



Cubs Sale Problems
The Chicago Cubs are having trouble finalizing the sale of the team to a group of investors. The firm keeps paying the team the money, but the Cubs players keep dropping the money.




September 23rd


1642: First commencement exercises occur at Harvard College, setting a record for the most pompous snobs in one place in the new world.


1988: José Canseco of the Oakland Athletics becomes the first member of the 40-40 club with 40 steroid injections in 40 days.


1999: NASA announces that it has lost contact with the Mars Climate Orbiter... mostly because they had really been growing apart since the kids left home.