NCAA Final
Fans are split over who will win tonight's NCAA Men's basketball championship game between North Carolina and Michigan State. But everyone agrees that no matter who wins, more than half of Detroit will be on fire by midnight.



N.K. Missile
North Korea's missile test was a failure as the projectile did not achieve orbit. It's not clear if all the media hype about the launch was about politics or just a subliminal ad for Viagra.

N.K. Missile II
North Korea's missile test was a failure as the projectile did not achieve orbit. So after all the media hype it ultimately didn't do what it was supposed to... kind of like an '86 Hyundai.



Treasury Crackdown
The good news is the Treasury Department is launching a crackdown to protect distressed homeowners from foreclosure rescue scams. The bad news is the biggest scam is being run by Treasury Secretary Tim Geithner.



GM Classic Car Auction
In order to stave off bankruptcy, GM is auctioning off a fleet of collectible cars including a 1920 Chevy Model T truck. But experts say GM won't survive until it can also auction off the elderly retired workers who built that truck.



Keller's Call
New York Times executive editor Bill Keller says saving the paper is as important as saving Darfur. Actually, getting rid of the Times would be an honor killing.



Cancer Risk Found
Researchers suspect a rise in oral sex is to blame for increased cases of tonsil cancer. They've also found that a decrease in oral sex is to blame for increased cases of divorce.