Obama G-20
President Obama will meet with European leaders today for the G-20 Summit in Britain. The foreign heads of state will ask Mr. Obama to fire all of their failing auto company CEO's.


American Wi Fi
American Airlines will soon make the internet available to all domestic passengers. This is great news for business travelers who need to go online several times an hour to check if they've been laid off yet.



Guns on Campus
The Texas state legislature is considering a bill to make it legal for students to carry a gun on state college campuses. If the bill passes, no one will ever fail organic chemistry again.



Cash for Clunkers
The U.S. government will soon offer Americans thousands of dollars to trade in their old cars for more fuel efficient vehicles. Americans will get a similar opportunity to trade in their clunkers for more efficient models in the 2010 election.



Madonna Adopts Again
Madonna is adopting another poor child from Malawi. It's not clear whether she's expanding her family or just wants to help Alex Rodriguez find a replacement hip.