AIG Clawback?
The government is working on taking away those taxpayer-funded bonuses paid out to failed AIG executives. Congress is promising to get most of the money back by forcing those executives to give them bigger campaign donations.



Anger Poll
A new poll shows that 87% of Americans are very angry about the bank bailouts. The other 13% aren't angry because they are currently robbing banks.



Pelosi Caught on Tape
House Speaker Nancy Pelosi is in hot water after new video captures her having a friendly talk with illegal immigrants. Pelosi insists she doesn't favor amnesty, and that she was just trying to score some Mexican botox.



Richardson Accident
Actress Natascha Richardson is reportedly brain dead after a freakish skiing accident. Luckily the story is being covered mostly by TV entertainment reporters, who really are experts on being brain dead.



Grandmother Run Over
Police in Georgia say an 8-year-old boy ran over his grandmother yesterday. This is what happens when kids find out how today's seniors are tapping out Social Security.


REAL FAKE HEADLINE OF THE DAY

"Cyst on A-Rod's Hip turns out to be Syringe Fragment"