Subs on the Rise
The weak economy has created a surge in applications for substitute teaching jobs. Millions of Americans are hoping to make ends meet by bullying second graders out of their lunch money.



Madoff Security
A heavy security detail surrounded Bernie Madoff as he arrived at federal court Tuesday. Police had received several credible threats of a possible drive-by kvetching.

Since his court appearance was on Purim, police also made sure to fit Madoff with a hamantaschen-proof vest.



March Madness Committee
Today, the committee that puts the NCAA basketball brackets together gathers in Indianapolis to fill out the 65-team field. Members will have to consider team strength, geographical rivalries, and which font to use so people can easily make 50 copies of the brackets for the office pool.



Recession Political Fallout
The deep recession is forcing more families to live in motel rooms, which creates a crisis for most politicians who need those rooms to meet their mistresses and favorite hookers.



North Carolina Smoking Ban
Tobacco-rich North Carolina is close to passing a law banning public smoking. No smoking in North Carolina?!? Next thing you know the state will make it illegal to marry your sister!