Monday, March 02, 2009

Winter Storm
A major winter storm has slammed the East Coast. The Obama Administration is preparing a $17 trillion spending bill to bail out the people who didn't bother to buy a shovel.

Freddie CEO Stepping Down
The head of mortgage giant Freddie Mac is resigning as CEO David Moffett says he wants to return to the financial services sector. For the last few years he's only been in the financial losses sector.

HSBC Capital Raise
HSBC bank says it will raise $17.8 billion in new capital this month... and it's going to do that by selling unicorn rides and fairy wings.

More Money for AIG
The U.S. government will provide troubled insurance giant AIG another $30 billion. AIG executives are promising to spend this money much more wisely by making less risky investments and using discount hookers.

Blaming the Rich
President Obama says it's only the "rich few" who oppose his spending plan. What he meant to say was that after his plan is enacted, only a few of us will be rich.

Virgin Losses
Virgin America Airlines has lost $227 million in its first 12 months of operation... and that was just the cash and loose change inside all the bags they lost at LaGuardia!

Hugo's Grab
Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez has ordered troops to immediately take over rice-processing companies in his country. This was in response to those companies breaking new Venezuelan laws barring rice company CEO's from making more than $5 a year.


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