Citi-Government Deal
The U.S. government is taking a 40% stake in Citigroup. But between the government's office hours and banker's hours, Citi will be open only for about 15 minutes a day.

With the government now in control of Citigroup, customers can expect 10 ATM's at each branch... but only two of them will be working at any given time.



Iraq Pullout
President Obama says he will pull all combat troops out of Iraq by August 1, 2010. That 18 month waiting period should ease the transition for the returning soldiers, because by then most of America will look about as bad as downtown Fallujah.



Brady Weds Bundchen
Brazilian model Gisele Bundchen married NFL star Tom Brady yesterday in California. But the wedding night turned out to be a bust when Bundchen found out that Brady really isn't much without his offensive line.



Romney Robbed
More than a dozen pieces of jewelry were stolen from former Republican presidential candidate Mitt Romney’s Utah home. The thieves insist they were just trying to collect advance taxes on someone earning more than $250,000 per year.



GM's Ad Budget Slash
GM says it will cut its advertising and endorsement budget by $800 million this year. Experts found that GM could use that money more effectively by paying 800 Americans $1 million each to buy a car from GM.