Detox Mosque
A Toronto mosque is offering a 12-step "detox" program for budding radicals and would-be terrorists. The 12th step of the program is when everyone converts to Christianity.

The program leaders plan to use verses in the Koran that condemn violence against non-Muslims... as soon as they can find some verses in the Koran that condemn violence against non-Muslims.



First Dog
The Obama family has finally found a dog. The Portuguese water dog will come to the White House as soon as it's determined that he's paid all its taxes and never hired an illegal alien nanny.



Insurance Buy
President Obama wants to spend $643 billion to give more Americans health insurance. The health insurance companies are responding by sending the White House 643 billion forms to fill out.



GM Losses
General Motors has announced it lost $9.6 billion in the last three months of 2008. Most of that money was used to pay accountants to count how much money GM is losing.


GM is now closer to having to declare bankruptcy. It is expected to reorganize as a new company that will show other automakers how to torch their plants for the insurance money.



Times Square Plan
Mayor Bloomberg wants to keep cars and trucks out of Times Square to create a pedestrian mall. Angry pedestrians are protesting the loss of their right to jaywalk.