Friday, February 13, 2009

The Texas Department of Health is recalling all products from a Peanut Corporation of America plant after discovering dead rodents there. The families of the dead rodents are also filing a $150 million lawsuit.

Panetta Confirmed
The Senate confirmed Leon Panetta as CIA director last night. Panetta is the oldest person ever to lead the spy agency, thus guaranteeing that he'll be able to keep our most sensitive secrets by simply forgetting them.

Stimulus Conflict
Commerce Secretary nominee Judd Gregg has withdrawn his name from consideration because of "irresolvable conflicts" over the Obama stimulus plan. The conflict stems from the fact that Gregg apparently has a calculator and Obama doesn't.

Betting on Education
Pennsylvania Governor Ed Rendell wants to use revenue from video poker machines to help thousands of students afford college tuition. Scholarships will be made available to every student smart enough not to play video poker.

Crooked Judges
Two Pennsylvania judges have been charged with taking bribes to send teenagers to private detention centers. Those bribes came from the teenagers' parents.


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