Phelps Pot
Olympic swim champion Michael Phelps is apologizing after being caught smoking a marijuana pipe. Phelps is mostly sorry for setting a bad example for other Olympic athletes by publicly using a product without an endorsement deal.

Dozens of companies are canceling their endorsement deals with Michael Phelps after he was caught smoking marijuana... except for Taco Bell, which is now giving him a $10 million bonus.



Groundhog Day
Punxsutawney Phil emerged from his hole this morning and did see his shadow... which means six more weeks before Tim Geithner and Tom Daschle pay their taxes.



U.K. Snow
As a result of the biggest British snow storm in 18 years, buses and cars have been pulled off the streets of London... proving that even when the world gets colder, the environmentalists still get what they want!



Super Bowl Ratings
More than 90 million Americans watched the Super Bowl last night... not because the game was exciting, but because everyone wanted to see the faces of the idiots still willing to spend $1,300 on a football ticket in this economy.



Cutting Back
More rich Americans are cutting back because of the weakening economy. They're driving more modest cars, buying smaller homes, and Paris Hilton is doing all her sex videos in black and white.