Inaugural Crowds
2 million people are expected to stream into Washington, D.C. for Barack Obama's inauguration... most of them are actually there to apply for government jobs.

Because of the overflow crowds, no one will be allowed into Washington, D.C. without an inaugural ticket and their own port-a-potty.



The crowds are so heavy that NBC's Matt Lauer and ABC's Sam Champion were unable to do reports for their network morning shows. No Matt Lauer or Sam Champion?... hey, this new administration is already providing the American people with some relief!

The Red Cross is already treating hundreds of spectators for hypothermia and frostbite, rapper Kanye West says, "President Bush doesn't care about cold people."

The Red Cross is already treating hundreds of spectators for hypothermia and frostbite, and 15 network news anchors are being hospitalized for Obama brown nosing.


A special seat near the Obama family at the podium is being set aside for hero pilot Chesley "Sully" Sullenberger... and a spot near the engines of President Bush's departure jet is being reserved for the goose that brought down the U.S. Airways flight last week.


President Obama's inaugural address is expected to last 18 minutes. That's 3 minutes to deliver the speech and 15 minutes to receive the fawning.

Outgoing Vice President Dick Cheney pulled a muscle in his back and will have to watch the inauguration from a wheel chair. The Cheneys have already sold his old seat to the inauguration on eBay for $400,000.

Incoming Health and Human Service Secretary Tom Daschle will not be at the inauguration today... with any luck, this will be the beginning of a trend.