Wednesday, January 14, 2009

Runaway Pilot Found
The missing pilot who tried to fake his death in a plane crash has been found alive at a Florida campground. Of course, if he really wanted to disappear for a few months, he could have booked himself on United Airlines flight out of LaGuardia Airport.

Osama Gaza Message?
CIA operatives think a new audio message calling for a holy war against Israel for its Gaza campaign was probably made by Osama bin Laden... but there's also a good chance it's just a recording of last night's news on the BBC, they're not quite sure.

The audio message was posted on a radical Islamist Web site known for posting statements from bin Laden... the Daily Kos.

Bush's Future
President Bush says he doesn't know how he'll feel on his first day out of office on January 21st. But he knows he's going to feel a lot better than John Stewart, Keith Olberman, and everybody else who really won't have any material to work with once he's gone.

Sold for Beer
A California man has been arrested for selling his 14-year-old daughter into marriage in return for a case of beer. Actually the beer was just a bonus, the money he saved on the monthly phone bill was the big payoff.

Eyelash Product
The company behind Botox plans to introduce the first F.D.A.-approved drug for growing longer eyelashes. It's expected to be a huge seller in the coming year, you know after millions of newly unemployed people scrape up enough cash to buy food and pay the mortgage.


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