Burris on the Hill
71-year-old Roland Burris has arrived at the U.S. Capitol and is trying to gain entry to the Senate. It's not clear whether he will be seated , not because he was appointed by embattled Governor Rod Blagojevich, but because he's too young.



Madoff Bail Challenge
Prosecutors are seeking to revoke Bernie Madoff's bail after he and his wife sent more than a million dollars worth of jewelry stuffed inside mittens to their friends and relatives. Of course, these are elderly Jewish relatives, so they were more excited about the mittens.



School Damaged
The U.N. says an Israeli airstrike hit a Palestinian elementary school this morning. Regular Jew-hating classes will have to be moved to the middle school until further notice.



Toyota Freeze
Toyota is suspending production at all 12 of its Japan plants for 11 days... or in other words, the average length of a UAW coffee break.



Panetta Criticized
President-elect Barack Obama's choice of Leon Panetta to be CIA chief is raising questions in Congress about why Mr. Obama would nominate a candidate with limited experience in intelligence matters. Of course there are still questions about why everyone in Congress has limited intelligence.



Gas Price Spike
Gas prices have risen for the first time in 16 weeks. Iran needs the extra money to replace all the Hamas weapons that are getting destroyed.