Madoff Suicide
A French investment manager who put more than $1.5 billion of his firm's money in with Bernie Madoff has committed suicide. It's not clear if he killed himself because he lost the money or because his French bosses found out he was investing with a Jewish guy.



Walmart Settlement
Walmart has agreed to pay $640 million to settle 63 lawsuits over wage and hour violations. That's $140 million for employees who weren't paid for overtime, and $500 million for the employees who got trampled to death on Black Friday.



Obama "Innocent"
Barack Obama's transition team insists all its contacts with disgraced Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich were "innoncent." But Obama staffers do admit that after every phone call with Blagojevich, they did have to scrub the telephone receivers with sani-wipes.



Big Stimulus Plan
President-elect Obama and his team are preparing an $850 billion infrastructure stimulus plan. But most of the money will be spent on building new prisons to house the business leaders and politicians who are already plotting to steal and misappropriate that $850 billion.



Yanks Sign Teixeira
The New York Yankees have signed first baseman Mark Teixeira to a $180 million contract. With that kind of money, Teixeira's family will almost be able to afford tickets to Yankee Stadium!