Blagojevich Impeachment
The Illinois state legislature has formed a panel to look into impeaching Governor Rod Blagojevich. Seats on the panel are currently going for $500,000 apiece.



Education Secretary
President-elect Barack Obama has chosen the Chicago schools chief Arne Duncan to be the next Secretary of Education. Duncan is seen as a success because every kid in the Chicago school system knows how to spell "corruption."



Goldman Losses
Goldman Sachs announced more than a $2 billion quarterly loss today. News of the firm losing that much money in three monts is drawing scorn from Bernie Madoff who claims he can lose $2 billion in just one day!



AFL-Bon Jovi
Now that the Arena Football League has suspended its 2009 season, rocker Jon Bon Jovi may lose his entire investment in his team, the Philadelphia Soul. The only thing Bon Jovi has invested more money in is his hair.



Scotus Cigarettes
The Supreme Court has ruled that smokers can sue tobacco companies for potentially misleading "light cigarette" ads. It's not that the justices think the cases have any merit, it's just that they had to do something to make sure lawyers keep getting work in this economy.