GOP Roadblock
Republicans in the Senate are threatening to block the Detroit bailout bill... not so much because they're opposed to the loan, but because they need to do something to remind the country that Republicans still exist.


14 of Michigan's 15 Congressional representatives voted for the bailout. Republican Timothy Walberg couldn't make the vote in time because he was stuck in a stalled Chevy.




Sabathia Deal
The Yankees have signed free agent pitcher C.C. Sabathia to a $161 million deal. Which is why Detroit is now asking Sabathia for a bailout.



Putz a Met
Pitcher J.J. Putz is coming to the New York Mets after a three-team trade. It's a perfect deal because the Mets have been playing like putzes for years now.

The Mets chose Putz over several other relievers, including some guy named "Schmuck."



Sit-In Ends
Laid-off workers at a Chicago window factory have ended their five-day sit-in
after banks agreed to lend the failed company $1.75 million, and Governor Blagojevich agreed to stop pretending he gives a damn about them.



Greek Problems
As riots continue to rage in Greece, the NYPD is trying to find the vandal who smashed a window at the Greek consulate in midtown Manhattan. In a related story, New York cops are looking for a Greek diner waiter who's been assaulting customers with a deadly gyro.