Warren Outrage
Liberal groups are furious that President-elect Obama has chosen Pastor Rick Warren to participate in the inauguration. They object to the fact that Warren opposes abortion, gay marriage, and doesn't worship Oprah.



Madoff SEC
It turns out that Bernie Madoff served as a consultant for the SEC for many years. His one piece of advice to investigators was: "never investigate me!"



Worker Winners
Reports say that 14 city workers in Piqua, Ohio have won a $207 million lottery jackpot. But $207 million is slightly less valuable than their free state healthcare benefits.



Chrysler Shutdown
Chrysler has shut down all production for a month... which would be a problem if there was anyone in America who still wanted to buy a Chrysler.



Schapiro to SEC
President-elect Obama has chosen Mary Schapiro to be the next SEC Chair. It's good that Schapiro is getting this job, because she's lost all her money investing with Bernie Madoff.