Frosty Day in NYC
It's so cold today in New York that Bernie Madoff is just using his clients' money for kindling.



Gas Prices Fall
The good news is that gas prices are at a 5-year low. The bad news is that this means the oil companies will now ask for a $900 billion bailout.




Church Boundaries Falling
A new study shows that American worship services are more racially integrated than ever before... and that's just Oprah's studio audience.


The study shows most predominantly white churches have done the best job of integrating. Predominantly black churches would love to do the same, but white people just can't clap and pray at the same time.



White House Job Applicants
More than 330,000 Americans have applied for top jobs in the Obama administration... and that's just the people who got laid off by Citigroup last week.



Hannukah Begins
The 8-day Jewish festival of Hannukah began last night. Traditionally, Jews mark the holiday by lighting the Menorah, but Bernie Madoff stole all the candles.