Hamas Cowards
Hamas terrorists are hiding out in Gaza hospitals, disguised as doctors and nurses. In the U.S., terrorists also hide out in hospitals, disguised as health insurance adjusters.



Franken Wins
A state election board will declare Al Franken the winner of the senate race in Minnesota by just 225 votes. But to make angry Republicans happy, the panel will also publicize the names of the last 225 people who voted for Al Franken.



Richardson Out
Bill Richardson is withdrawing his nomination to be commerce secretary, citing the distraction of a federal investigation, and the fact that if he wanted to do nothing for the next four years, he would have demanded to be vice president.


Richardson Out II
Bill Richardson is withdrawing his nomination to be commerce secretary, citing the distraction of a federal investigation, and the fact that no one in America is actually conducting any commerce anymore.




Burris at Midway
Would-be Senator Roland Burris will give a news conference at Midway Airport before leaving for Washington today. Of course since he's leaving from Midway, Democratic Senators won't have to worry about physically blocking him from the Capitol for at least another 2-3 weeks.



Roddenberry Dies
Majel Barrett Roddenberry, who played Nurse Chapel on Star Trek and married late 'Trek' creator Gene Roddenberry, was laid to reast this weekend at Forest Lawn cemetery. She was the last known woman to actually date someone who was that in to Star Trek.



Chinese Toursim in Florida
Florida is now actively working to attract Chinese tourists. With medicare costs soaring, state officials are hoping the Chinese will find a way to poison the elderly.