U.N. Building Hit
The U.N. chief says has expressed "strong protest and outrage" to Israel over the shelling of a United Nations compound in Gaza City. If Israel keeps doing stuff like this, where will the U.N. hide terrorists?

The shells damages a U.N. storage "humanitarian aid" depot... in other words, the place where they keep the rockets and night-vision goggles.

The U.N. admits that the U.N. school hit by Israeli mortars last week employed several terrorists and used U.N. funds to buy textbooks filled with anti-Jewish teachings. It's all part of the U.N.'s "no suicide bomber left behind" program.



Geithner Problems
Treasury Secretary-Designate Tim Geithner forgot to pay $34,000 worth of taxes in 2002. That $34,000 will be used to pay 1% of a failed bank CEO's bonus for 2008.



Banks in Peril Again
U.S. banks are asking for billions more dollars as they continue to fail. Citigroup admits that if it doesn't get another $100 billion, it won't have enough money to print out all the 100,000 pink slips it needs by next week.



Chase Profit
JPMorgan Chase has posted a surprise profit for 2008. Wall Street was shocked by the bank's radical business plan that included not paying $100 million bonuses to failed executives and only lending money to people who could pay it back.



Drug Deal
Eli Lilly will pay about $1.42 billion for falsely marketing its antipsychotic drug Zyprexa. Psychiatrists determined that no one on Earth was actually crazy enough to need to cough up that $80 co-pay.