Construction Contraction
U.S. building starts have slowed to record low levels. With no construction workers on the streets, women looking to be harassed publicly will just have to start going to Knicks games.



Thain Flushed
John Thain is out at Bank of America after he demanded a huge bonus and spent $35,000 for a new toilet in his office. But Bank of America will keep the toilet, and use it to flush away the billions of dollars worth of new bailout money it's going to get from the government this year.



White House Meeting
President Obama will meet with Congressional leaders this morning. The White House insists the meeting will be bipartisan; an equal number of participants who think Obama is great and those who think he's really great will be there.



Madoff Cancer
The New York Post reports that Bernie Madoff has pancreatic cancer. But for some reason, he can't find a decent Jewish doctor.



Stimulus Rules
Some members of Congress want conditions on the Obama stimulus plan, including a rule that the money should be used to buy only American products... which would be nice if we made anything in America anymore.



Gillibrand Chosen
New York Governor David Paterson has chosen Rep. Kirsten Gillibrand to fill the senate seat vacated by Hillary Clinton... mostly because they really, really dress alike.