What's Up Joaquin?
Fans are concerned after Joaquin Phoenix mumbled through a series of one-word sentences during his appearance with David Letterman last night. Of course, the last time Phoenix spoke incoherently on camera he got an Oscar nomination for "Gladiator."



Salma's Mission
Actress Salma Hayek has gone to Africa to breastfeed starving babies.... which explains why the kid Madonna adopted wants to go back home.



Dragging Death
A New York pedestrian was struck twice by vehicles in Queens and dragged for 17 miles by the second vehicle before police found him dead in Brooklyn. Experts say the victim still had a less painful trip than everyone who takes the F train.



A-Rod Suspension?
Major League Baseball Commissioner Bud Selig says Alex Rodriguez might be suspended for admitting he used performance-enhancing drugs... and for continuing to lie about everything else, A-Rod will get a $25 million bonus.



Satellite Crash
An American satellite has become disabled after colliding in outer space with another satellite. Of course, things have become a lot more crowded above the Earth ever since that broke Russian satellite decided to have octuplets.



Obama to Ford's
President Obama made a visit to the newly rennovated Ford's Theater last night. Okay, his first few weeks haven't been great but he's not doing that bad!