Citi Board
Citigroup is accepting nominations to fill four vacancies on its board of directors. The bank is looking for new directors who have extensive experience with panhandling.



Chinese Concerns
Chinese Premier Wen Jiabao is expressing concerns about the growing U.S. debt. If this keeps up, American consumers might start needing to make their own toys and poisonous dog food.


Chinese Concerns II
Chinese Premier Wen Jiabao is expressing concerns about the growing U.S. debt. Luckily, China is willing to lend corporate America as many 9-year-old slave laborers that we need until we can turn things around.



Sesame Street Layoffs
The economic downturn has forced layoffs at the Children's Television Workshop. It's getting so bad that Ernie and Bert had to move into Oscars' garbage can.



Lost Wealth
A new study shows that Americans have lost 17.9% of their net worth over the past year. Luckily, another study shows that most Americans don't have the basic math skills to understand what 17.9% is.



Marathon Game
Syracuse beat Connecticut last night in a marathon 6-overtime game that lasted 3 hours, 46 minutes... breaking the hearts of the players on both teams who lost so much valuable study time.