Dead Sea Claim
An Israeli scholar says the purported authors of the famed Dead Sea Scrolls never actually existed... which explains why the Scrolls were just hastily removed from Oprah's book club.



Pay Loopholes
Banking firms are looking for new ways to get around the new federal pay caps. Instead of million dollar bonuses Wall Street brokers and traders are expected to get something much more valuable, like a free parking space in Manhattan for a whole month.



Downsized Homes
The economic downturn has more Americans shifting to smaller homes. For example, Bernie Madoff just traded a 3,500 square foot penthouse for a 9 x 10 windowless studio in lower Manhattan.



Risk Management
The Obama administration says it's working quickly to regulate and reduce risk in our financial system... and it's eliminating risk in the future by making sure there's no doubt that everyone will be a financial failure.



Madoff Search
The rush is on in the courts to get at Bernie Madoff's assets. Meanwhile in jail, the rush is on to get at Bernie Madoff's ass.


REAL FAKE HEADLINE OF THE DAY


"Hitler Found Alive, Demands History Channel Royalties."