Obama Special Olympics
President Obama is in hot water over a joke he made about the Special Olympics on the "Tonight Show." Critics say it was insensitive to Tim Geithner.



Letter to Iran
President Obama has sent a letter of conciliation to Iran. The Ayatollahs are now looking forward to coming to the White House to make fun of retarded kids.



Illini Upset
The University of Illinois basketball team is in shock this morning after losing in the first round of the NCAA tournament to underdog Western Kentucky. The only good news is the players will soon be back on campus where they can resume not going to class.



Wal-Mart Bonuses
Wal-Mart is handing out $933 million worth of bonuses to every one of its hourly employees. It's encouraging news for the dozens of former AIG executives who are now working part-time at Wal-Mart.



Buick Wins
Buick is now the #1 car model for customer reliability according to the latst J.D. Power & Associates survey. It turns out the one guy in America who owns a Buick really likes it!


REAL FAKE HEADLINE OF THE DAY

"Disgraced AIG Executives Forced to Watch World Baseball Classic"