Sam's Club Rations Rice
Because of supply concerns, Sam's Club is now limiting rice sales at its stores to 4 bags per customer. They are making it up for it, however, by increasing the limit on sales of Cheetos to 15 tons per visit.



Student Loan Deal
In the wake of the credit crunch, the Bush administration wants Congress to back billions of dollars in new student loans. College students are in favor of the idea, but will settle for half-price pitchers and free text-messaging on nights and weekends.



Hillary's Speech
The highlight of Hillary Clinton's Pennsylvania victory speech was when she said: "I'm in this race to fight for you ... You know you can count on me to stand up strong for you every single day in the White House"... and then she stepped away from the mirror and delivered the rest of her speech.

Now, the whole thing could come down to Democratic primaries in Indiana and North Carolina... confusing millions of Americans who think Indiana and North Carolina are only important during the NCAA basketball tournament.

Obama was unable to get enough of the white and female vote to win the primary. He was also hurt by thousands of his supporters in small towns who were too bitter to go to the polls.



Delta Reports
Delta Air Lines is reporting $6.39 billion loss for the first quarter of 2008. It's not clear if Delta lost that $6.39 billion because of fuel prices, or if it literally lost $6.39 billion along with everyone's bags.


Northwest Losses
Northwest Airlines is announcing a loss of $15.78 per share in the first quarter. Now that it's merging with Delta, the two airlines can help each other hide from the repo man.