Carter's Promise
After meeting with Hamas leaders, Jimmy Carter says the terrorist group will accept a peace deal with Israel if the Palestinian people approve such a deal... which means Hamas is going to continue killing any Palestinians who would approve such a deal.



Retirement Delays
A new report says Corporate America is finding new ways to keep baby boomer employees looking to retire. So far, the most effective plan is keeping gas prices too high for workers to afford to drive home.



Feeling Gassy
The Consumer Federation of America holds news conference today to release the results of a survey of consumers' attitudes on gas prices. Instead of showing a bunch of facts and figures, they're just going to scratch their fingernails against a blackboard.




Earth Day Comics
Newspaper comics across the country plan to "go green" for Earth Day tomorrow. Of course, Blondie has been recycling jokes for 60 years.




IPO Buzz
Stock investors are hot today on an IPO for fertilizer company Intrepid Potash. The company's slogan is "Intrepid Potash: It’s the Shit!”



D.C. Twisters
A pair of tornadoes struck Washington D.C. Sunday, mangling trees, stripping siding off several homes, and actually getting members of Congress to shut up for five minutes.