Colombian Deal Delayed
Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice is blasting the Congressional delay on the Colombian free trade agreement. It's getting so bad, Juan Valdez has been forced to eat his own donkey.



Flame in San Francisco
Massive protests are planned today as the Olympic torch makes its way through San Francisco. Some human rights activists are promising to grab the torch, others say they will extinguish the flame, and Richard Gere is threatening to do another movie.



787 Delayed
Boeing is again delaying delivery on its 787 Dreamliner aircraft. In a bit of poetic justice, Boeing is only offering every airline still waiting for the plane two free drink vouchers and seat upgrade.



Credit Card Abuse
A new report says federal employees charged Internet dating, tailor-made suits, lingerie, lavish dinners and other questionable expenses to their government credit cards from 2005 to 2006. The report is so shocking since government workers don't usually spend too much money.



American Checks
American Airlines has canceled another 850 flights today as it spends another day inspecting the wiring on some of its jets because of safety concerns... and looking for loose change because it's going out of business.



Text Message Warnings
Federal regulators are close to developing an emergency text message alert system. So in case of nuclear attack, the two groups with the best chance of surviving now are cockroaches and teenagers.