Yankees Opener Postponed
Even though the rain had stopped for hours, the Yankees canceled their home opener Monday. Luckily, the 53,000 fans who came to the stadium to see a bunch of low-life's shoot up illegal drugs got to see the same thing as they drove through the Bronx on their way home.



UBS Writedowns
UBS is writing off another $19 billion in real estate related investments. The bank admitted that even though it's Swiss, it was probably a bad idea to offer mortgages on houses made of chocolate and gingerbread.



Autistic School Founder
The woman who opened the only school in China for autistic children says she once thought of poisoning her own autistic child... but then she decided to get him some toys made in America instead.



Oil Execs Grilled
A House committee grilled executives from the world's five biggest oil companies today, criticizing them for taking tax subsidies and not investing in renewable resources, lowering gas prices, or at least taking them all out for a night at the Emperor's Club.



Pilots Packing
A new survey shows that 10% of U.S. commercial pilots are carrying firearms in the cockpit. The other 90% would too, but they figure being drunk, armed and flying a plane is really pushing it.