Hillary's Plan
Hillary Clinton is calling on retired government officials like Alan Greenspan, Paul Volcker and Robert Rubin to tackle the housing crisis. If elected, she also plans to call on George Washington, Benjamin Franklin and Abraham Lincoln.



Military Firing
The former commander of the U.S. 6th Fleet has been fired for providing "false and misleading" information to the Department of Defense. Of course, the only people who can legally give the Pentagon bad information work for the CIA.



Economic Fears
Consumer confidence sank to a five-year low in March, and that's just the people who can afford the gas to get to the store in the first place.



Hillary Comes Clean
Hillary Clinton now admits she really wasn't shot at by snipers during a mid-1990's visit to Bosnia, claiming she forgot what happened... because whether or not a bunch of killers shoot at you or not is pretty easy to forget.




Mistaken Missive
The U.S. Defense Department accidentally shipped ballistic missile components to Taiwan, the Pentagon said Tuesday. Taiwan is offering to either send them back, or just start making them there for the U.S. for a tenth of the price.