NEWSDAY ALERT!! I'm back in today's "Punchlines" column in Newsday and Newsday.com! Here's the link: Newsday



Economic Speeches
Treasury Secretary Hank Paulson, Fed Chairman Ben Bernanke, and even President Bush have been speaking out almost daily about the housing slump, rising oil prices, and the credit crunch. Apparently, the administration's strategy is to bore this recession to death.




"Kristin's" Story
The 22-year-old woman who worked as Eliot Spitzer's "escort" says she came to New York to launch a singing career. Luckily, she was able to keep her dignity by becoming a prostitute instead of getting into the music business.



Bush Tax Cuts
Senate Democrats have agreed to extend President Bush's upper class tax cuts, but only for some members of the upper class... the ones who donate money to senate Democrats.



Crystal Strikes Out
Billy Crystal struck out in his one plate appearance for the Yankees today in a spring training game against the Pittsburgh Pirates. He was immediately signed to a 10-year contract by the Pittsburgh Pirates.



Chrysler "Hiatus"
Chrysler is shutting down all of its factories for two weeks in July. The deeply-in-debt automaker will use the time off to try to hide from the repo man.

This forced vacation is all part of the new Chrysler corporate moto: "If you can't do it right, don't do it at all."