NEWSDAY ALERT!! I'm back in today's "Punchlines" column in Newsday and Newsday.com! Here's the link: Newsday


Times Square Bomb
A small bomb has damaged the military recruitment center in New York's Times Square... severely hindering the armed forces' ability to continue signing up hookers, drunks and homeless people.

Witnesses say they saw a man on a bike throw a something at the building that exploded... which means it could have been a bomb, or something he bought from the hot dog vendor on 43rd Street.

The Department of Homeland Security says there is no sign of an immediate threat to the country because of the incident, but the entire cast and crew of "Mama Mia" is reportedly too scared to come in to work today.


Hillary’s Experience
Hillary Clinton is continuing to tout her national security credentials. She says she’s an expert on domestic threats… she ought to be, she’s been married to her biggest domestic threat for 32 years.


Postal Spying
The U.S. Postal Service has agreed to help law enforcement check the mail sent to suspected terrorists and other criminals. So far, the FBI and the CIA have learned that the nation's alleged killers and bombers receive about 136 credit card solicitations per week.


Britney's Money
A California court has ruled that Britney Spears' father will retain control of his daughter's finances and estate for another five months... meaning the current recession for American drug companies will continue for at least another five months.