Ben on the Hill
Federal Reserve Chairman Ben Bernanke appears before a House committee today for a day-long hearing. Each member of the committee is expected to ask Bernanke if he ever used steroids.



Campbell in Hospital
Supermodel Naomi Campbell has been hospitalized in Brazil. All nurses at the hospital are being advised to wear protective gear until Campbell is discharged.



Dem Debate
In last night's Democratic presidential debate, Barack Obama promised an affordable but optional health care plan, Hillary Clinton promised an affordable universal health care plan, and both candidates then promised a world made of chocolate filled with sugar plum fairies and unicorns.



Byrd Falls
Senator Robert Byrd is in a D.C. hospital after falling in his home yesterday. This comes after the paramedics accidentally transported the ancient-looking Byrd to the Smithsonian Museum of Natural History.



Florida Blackout
Energy experts are trying to figure out why electricity was knocked out for millions of people from Orlando to Miami yesterday. It's the first bad thing in 49 years that's happened in South Florida that they can't blame on Fidel Castro.



IBM Stock Buybacks
IBM has announced a rolling $15 billion stock buyback plan. This is much more popular among investors than Citigroup's $100 billion rolling writedown plan.



Ming Out
Houston Rockets center Yao Ming is out for the rest of the season with a foot fracture... Not a surprising development considering his foot was made in China.