Obama Wins Again
Barack Obama won the Wisconsin primary and the Hawaii caucuses Tuesday night, giving him 10 straight victories over Hillary Clinton. Hillary hasn't felt this rejected since... well, every night she spends with Bill.



Merger Still Grounded
The pilots are reportedly holding up the proposed Delta-Northwest merger, they're holding out for better pay, benefits, and a two-for-one drink special in the cockpit.



Atlantis Returns
The Space Shuttle Atlantis landed safely Wednesday morning in Florida. That means the only Americans still in orbit are Barack Obama supporters.



CPI Spikes
Consumer prices rose by a bigger-than-expected amount in January, reflecting big increases in the cost of food, health care, and running for the Democratic presidential nomination.



401(k) Ruling
A new Supreme Court ruling has just made it legal for millions of Americans to sue the administrators of their falling 401(k) accounts... because whether the economy is strong or weak, the court's number one job is to make sure there's always enough work for lawyers.