Beef Recall
The government recalled 143 million pounds of frozen beef Sunday... luckily it was all in Michael Moore's freezer.



Kosovo Independence
Kosovo declared its independence from Serbia today in an act of defiance against Serbia, Russia, and American high school geography students who were having enough trouble already.



McCain Campaign
John McCain is on the campaign trail, trying to differentiate himself from President Bush on such issues as climate change, wasteful government spending, and being able to pee without Dick Cheney's permission.



Astronauts Coming Home
The 10 astronauts aboard the linked space shuttle and space station are busy preparing to return to Earth... a job now made much more difficult since they're being charged for everything but their first checked bag.



Penguin Book Banned
A book about two gay penguins has been pulled from a public school library in Virginia... much to the relief of the penguins, who say they just wanted their privacy.