Rebate Checks
More than 130 million households will get tax rebate checks this summer as Congress is finally doing something for the nation’s financially-strapped liquor stores and check cashing parlors.

House Speaker Nancy Pelosi, D-Calif., said a "typical" family of four would get $1,800. Of course, for Pelosi, a “typical” family of four is two women, a sperm donor, and a transgendered Labrador Retriever.


Toyota Deals
Toyota is now offering buyers 7-year car loans. GM and Ford would make the same offer, but they don’t think they’ll still be in business 7 years from now.



Romney Quits
Mitt Romney dropped out of the presidential race yesterday, citing John McCain’s strong lead, party unity, and the fact that the White House doesn’t have a tanning machine.



McCain at CPAC
Thousands of attendees at the conservative CPAC conference gathered to see John McCain yesterday. But they were disappointed when they learned he was there to give a speech and not to let them throw tomatoes at him.



Court Decision
The Nebraska Supreme Court has just outlawed capital punishment by electrocution… which is too bad, because going to the chair is the only way to get excited in Nebraska.