Super Bowl Stunner
The New York Giants stunned the previously undefeated Tom Brady and the New England Patriots in Super Bowl XLII. Brady was later consoled by his supermodel girlfriend, who already is used to assuring him that "this happens to lots of guys."



Eli MVP
Giants quarterback Eli Manning was named the Most Valuable Player, which means he'll have to learn to speak English before he can cash in on all those commercial endorsements.



Obama Pulls Even
The latest polls show that Barack Obama has erased all of Hillary Clinton's lead nationwide. The Clinton team is responding by shifting its anti-Obama strategy from character assassination to just plain assassination.



Google Offers to "Help"
Google is now offering to "help" Yahoo! fend off the buyout offer from Microsoft... which is weird because the vultures circling a corpse usually work together.



ID Theft IVY
A Montana woman has been arrested for stealing the identity of a murdered woman and then using that identity to gain entry into Harvard and Columbia. The Ivy League schools admitted her as part of their suspected felon affirmative action programs.



Britney Stays
Britney Spears' stay in a psychiatric ward has been extended from three dats to two weeks under a California state law that allows patients to be kept for medical treatment if they are found to be gravely disabled, a danger to themselves, or likely to stage a terrible performance at a live awards show.