Brando Dies
Marlon Brando's son Christian died Saturday. Unfortunately for him, his father took up the remaining 4 spaces in the family plot when he died 3 1/2 years ago.



Giants Preps
The New York Giants are deep into their preparations for the Super Bowl. Eli Manning is working on his passing game, Plaxico Burress is working on his passing routes, and Michael Strahan is working on getting 17 game tickets for his divorce attorneys.



Hillary's New Plan
After getting routed in the South Carolina primary, Hillary Clinton is making some changes. She's going to refocus on the issues, tone down her negative attacks, and drive away in the campaign bus before Bill wakes up every morning.



Rudy Reeeling
Rudy Giuliani has fallen well behind in the Florida polls. Among elderly voters, he now trails McCain, Romney, and Matlock.



Caroline for Barack
Caroline Kennedy is endorsing Barack Obama, saying he would be a president like her father. That makes sense; he's a member of an ethnic minority with an evil person constantly trying to assassinate him.



Fraud Explained
The French bank that employed rogue trader Jerome Kerviel says he hacked into bank computers and lost the bank $7 billion. That was $1 billion in bad stock trades and $6 billion in canceled ATM fees.



Kenya Deaths
The U.N. says the death toll from the Kenya elections is now at 800... and that's without any negative campaign commercials.